You’re lying in bed with your partner, making out before things start to get really steamy, the anticipation is building, and then nope—nope, not good. They’re just bad. You wonder what they are doing, why they think this is a good technique, and how they think this will make you orgasm.
You don’t want to hurt their feelings, because they are your lover and friend, so you fake your way through some awkward foreplay, and then some lackluster sex that leaves you feeling dissatisfied, depraved, and wanting more. How do you address this if you want to keep sleeping with them? You can’t just go on like this, because let’s be real– being teased with the idea of climaxing and not reaching it is just painful. It can be literally painful. “Blueballs” might seem like an experience that is only had by those with, well, balls… but we ladies get “blueballed” too.
No one wants to hear (and most people don’t want to tell someone) that they suck in bed, so here are some tips to getting your sex life back on track and ensuring that both of you get the satisfaction you crave.
Playfully Challenge Them
When you finish and they are lying next to you and inevitably ask how it was for you, give them a challenge like, “It was good babe, but I bet you can make me feel even better.” Giving this kind of challenge lets your partner know that you want more, but also doesn’t shatter their confidence completely. It makes the challenge a sexy game between the two of you. It will encourage the two of you to give each other more elicit, more physical responses, and open channels of communication that may have not been there before.
Show Them What You Think is Sexy
Watch porn together, bring props or toys into the mix, and dress up for each other. Actually showing each other what you like can improve a lackluster sex life. Porn especially is a great way to do this. Finding a video you love that shows your partner exactly what gets you going not only gives them a visual, but can also be great foreplay. You can watch a video together, turn to your partner, and simply say, after you both are hot and bothered, “Want to try that?”
Tell Them What You Want in the Moment
Some people are loud in bed, while others are quiet. Your volume in bed is your choice, but communicating with your partner in the moment can really improve your intimate experience without have to deal with it in more detail later. Some people use comments like, “Right there!” “Harder!”, “Faster!”, or “Just like that!” as sexy talk in bed, but adding these phrases can also allow your partner to make mental notes about what you especially like or don’t like. When they realize what you like and how you like it because of your exclamations, there is a higher chance they will change their technique to match what makes you vocal.
Tell the Truth
When all else fails, complete honesty is always the best policy. Any good relationship is built off of honesty between partners. There is no need to rip apart their emotions and tell them every little thing they do wrong in bed, but having an honest conversation about how you have not quite been reaching your ideal orgasm is good. It is important to remind your partner that you care for them and that they are the only person you want to be intimate with when you have this conversation, because you don’t want to shatter their confidence. It should be noted that this might be a better tactic to take for those in relationships. If you have this conversation with your casual hookup or friends with benefits, things could get weird—and not in the fun way.
Sex, regardless of who it’s with should be fun, exciting, and most importantly, should feel good–for BOTH of you. So stop suffering through the “vanilla” sex life by applying these tips in the bedroom. Trust me, you’ll be thanking us later!
By: Molly Velazquez-Brown