The Dating Files

Top ten relationship no-no’s

By Debbie Fachler

You’ve finally found him it: the perfect match. After months and years of broken hearts, crushes, failed set ups and blind dates, and drunken mistakes, you’ve met your Prince Charming or your Cinderella. Better yet, you’ve not only met him or her, but you guys are official — like Facebook Official.

We all know this person. They call when they say they will, and sometimes even when they say they won’t. They text you good morning and good night, as well as randomly throughout the day. They don’t keep you guessing. They hold your hand and kiss you in public — sober. And all your friends just love this person, because how could they not?

There you are, in La La Land, happy in love, so determined not to kill this relationship.  Then, before you know it, you already have. It’s already too late, and now you’re back to square one.

So here are a few tips for the next time.

The No-No List

10.  Moving too fast. We all understand you’re just so excited about your new boo, and you guys just have so much fun together, and he/she is so perfect. But please, please, save the “I love you’s” and let’s get married and have three babies and adopt an orphan talk for when you truly know each other — both the good and the bad. And by that, I don’t mean a week after you have started dating, because that, my dears, is called infatuation.

Moving too fast can have serious consequences. First, there is a strong possibility that you will completely freak your partner out, and he/she will run… fast. Second, promising a forever and always before either of you are ready puts too much pressure on the relationship. And when there’s pressure on the pot, it starts to boil…

9. Comparing your partner to your ex, both in good or bad ways. This one should be a given. No one likes to think about their old sweetie pie when they’re with new eye candy. Even if you’re into threesomes, I’m sure you don’t want to have one with the Big Bad Ex. So if you want to keep your significant other from being your ex-significant other, keep the ex out of the equation.

8. Criticism. I don’t mean constructive criticism here and there, but constant, nagging criticism. You are there to make your partner feel good about him or herself, not the opposite. If you don’t like it, why keep it?

7. Rebounds. Rebounds are simply doomed to fail, because you’re not thinking about your partner’s best interests, but instead, are just trying to make your ex jealous (whether your acknowledge it or not) and yourself feel wanted (whether you acknowledge it or not).

So if you’re not truly over your ex, just save it. Otherwise, you might end up hurting an innocent person in the process.

6. Cheating. Well, duh. Obviously, (1) your partner is not satisfying your sexual needs that you feel compelled to cheat, (2) you are insecure or unsure of what you want, or (3) you have a problem with alcohol. So why are you wasting your time – and your partners? Be in a relationship when you’re ready for one.

5. Trying to change your partner. How about you break up with him or her first and find someone else whose personality you already like? That would be a good idea.

4. Disinterest in your relationship. Your significant other is supposed to be, well, significant. That special someone. The peanut butter to your jelly, the milk to your cookie. So if you act like you just don’t care, soon enough, the other person will stop caring as well.

3. On the other hand, being too clingy. Easy there, tiger. A person’s gotta be able to breathe.

2. Dissing the friends and family. Even if you have a completely valid reason, bring it up to your partner, but keep the outrageous curse words to yourself. After all, these people were there before you, and most likely (unless you manage to really ruin things), they will be there after you’re long gone as well.

The number one relationship killer of all time, however, is…

1. Jealousy and mistrust. We understand you’ve been hurt before, but that is absolutely no reason to secretly go through your partner’s text messages and e-mails, automatically assume the worst when he or she is out without you, and keep him or her away from all his or her friends.

If this person wants to be with you, he or she will be with you. If this person wants to be faithful to you, he or she will do just that. A true Prince Charming or Cinderella would, anyway.

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