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Mental Block
How to let go of a love without losing self-confidence
Kimberly Caruba, beat blogger
The term “self-confidence” is really a misnomer; having confidence in one’s self is not just for that individual. Being confident is not just about believing that you possess the abilities to accomplish your goals, that you are a worthy person, and that people will like you if they get to know you. “Self-confidence” is also about being strong for your family, your friends, and even your acquaintances. It is about giving off an energy that you can do anything through which you also give confidence to those around you.
I went home for the first time last weekend and it really blew me away how fast things can change. I’ve been away from home for two months, but it really felt like I had been gone years. A new building was erected while I was gone, rules had changed at my old high school, and self-confidence had evaporated in a great friend of mine at work.
It was seeing that friend again — a person I truly believe to be a beautiful, amazing person — and noticing how little self-confidence was left in her after her awful boyfriend (or ex I should say) treated her badly and left her once again, that made me really begin to think about what having self-confidence means.
You know those on-again, off-again couples? The ones where the girl treats her man so well: taking care of him, standing up for him, putting up with him, and yet when something doesn’t go his way, he picks up and leaves? The kind where it hurts you to watch the girl go through so much pain over a guy that doesn’t treat her the way she deserves? (And hey, this can go both ways — men can be treated like crap by their girls too.) Well, that’s the kind of relationship that my friend was in, and it hurt me to see her go through a relationship where I knew that she wasn’t being treated right, but now it hurts me even more to see how sad she is that the jerk is gone. All I could do was stand there and wonder why? Why is she so upset? But when I really stopped to think about it, I knew why. I knew because I had felt that way before, too.
She feels so sad, not only over all of the memories of good times that they had, over losing a second family, but also because she doesn’t have any self-confidence. The loss of such a big part of her life, the loss of having that person who is supposed to make her feel beautiful, and feel happy is so painful. It is also a huge blow to her confidence.
Watching my friend, I realized that the reason we hold on to people who treat us badly, the reason why we can even be sad to watch them go, is because in the back of our minds we worry that we really deserve to be treated badly, to be alone. We lack the self-confidence that we can pick up the pieces and start over again.
In reality, having self-confidence is obviously important to have in general, but it’s a saving grace when it comes to hard times like these. My friend is not the only one in pain. I’m in pain watching her be sad, her co-workers are in pain for her, and so is her family. Self-confidence is being strong for your family too. In a situation like this, if I would have come home to find that he had left her again and she was happy, and knew that it was for the better, I would feel so good. I would feel confident too because I would know what great things are in store for her. I would know that if I were ever in a situation like hers, I would be able to get through it just fine too.
I hope that my friend soon realizes how great she is, and that she gains enough self-confidence so that she will not go back to him, or enter a relationship with anyone who doesn’t treat her like the beautiful girl that she is. Next time you start to doubt yourself, don’t. Being confident isn’t just about you; it’s about all those around you too.
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